my i-pod was in between songs when i heard it said. "no way, his father was a Muslim" for fucks sake people. even if Obama was raised as a Muslim (which is a lie) implying he should not be president because of that is outright racist! i want every moron out there who has uttered something to this effect to look in the mirror right now and admit they are racist. shit heads

I know you were too busy in third grade picking your nose and doodling crude stick-figure breasts on your PeeChee to have paid attention to the basics of your own goddamned language, and you're probably too busy masturbating to World of Warcraft porn to pay attention now, but what the fuck, I'll give it a shot anyway.

The right time to use "to" - I am going to kill you.
The right time to use "too" - You are too stupid to function.
The right time to use "two" - You have two seconds to live.

The right time to use "there" - There is a gun over there.
The right time to use "their" - I'm going to shoot them in their faces.
The right time to use "they're" - They're going to get what's coming to them.

The right time to use "your" - Your stupidity had earned you a spot against the wall.
The right time to use "you're" - Don't worry, you're not going to feel a thing.

The right time to use "than" - You have less brain cells than a miniature squid.
The right time to use "then" - If your mother dropped you on the head several times when you were a baby, then that would explain it.

For fuck's sake, it's not rocket science. The worst part? I see journalists get this shit wrong all the time, too. It makes me want to gouge out their eyes with a rusty fork, then chop off all their fingers and shove them in the empty eye sockets so they can never inflict their horrible writing on the world again.

But you're still a fucking coward. Eat your own dick, I got your momma to eat mine. Go back to school and learn how to sign your name. Happy late Thanksgiving, cocksmoker.

A. S. K.

aaa-ssss-kkk.

Not aks.

I hate it when people abandon perfectly good websites for letting shit rip!

C'Mon people! Not everyone can be happy, so let us know!

Once again, some airhead bicyclist breezed across an intersection right in front of my car this evening. I'm not trying to say that I have more of a right to be there since I am in a car, but I do have a right to be going through that intersection BECAUSE THE FUCKING LIGHT IS GREEN.

Why do you all have a death wish? Why should I bother braking?

you're such an asshole

To the spider that bit my foot in three different places while I slept last Wednesday:

Fuck you, spider. Your days are numbered, you little bastard. 5 days of incessant itching in three different spots on my foot, waking me up in the middle of the night… you are going to fucking die, you son of a bitch.

When I find you, I will locate the heaviest, beefiest book in the house, and I will hover it over you just long enough for you to register the shadow of it, the sword of Damocles hanging over your tiny spider head. And just as the words "Oh shit" or their arthropod equivalent flash through the infinitesimal bundle of neurones you call a brain, the book, your fate, will descend upon you with righteous force, shattering your limbs to the four winds.

I will take what's left of you and mount it in a Lucite frame. I will hang it over my bed as a warning to others of your ilk: fuck with my feet, and this shall be your doom.

FUCK YOU, FOOT SPIDER!

I hate liberals like you that give liberalism a bad name. Try sitting down and doing a little fucking research before spouting your mouth like the assholes we make fun of now, and the people who earned the name 'idiot hippie' in the 60's.

Life isn't a utopia, and life will never be a utopia, because humanity refuses to see it that way. Realize that at some point, some changes will be made and the world can be come a better place, but it isn't going to be rainbow flowers and sugary candy until we all hold hands and sing.

Moron.

Some people regard this nitwit as a "hero" because he testified before congress with "bad news". Where was he in 2006 when he was appointed and this house of cards was finally collapsing? He sure as hell wasn't talking about bad news then. It was all hunky-freakin'-dory with no worries because "the sub-prime crisis was contained..."

It's time to add competence to your list of qualifications for job candidates guys...

I hate this color scheme

If you're a struggling repair technician or part replacer, trying to start a business on your own, the worst thing you can do is insult the intelligence of someone trying to buy from you. All I wanted was one part, and you were certainly willing to let me know that you had many kinds of this part. To tell me, repeatedly, that there's no way it will work with my system when I know damn well that it will is insulting. To drag it on for three days, telling me in different ways that it won't work is even more insulting. I finally found the part two cities away for half the price.

Thanks for nothing, cockface, and I will make sure that no one else goes to you for any of their 'laptop needs'.

Please go eat my shit, Mr. Nardelli. Address these rumors or do something, because the entire automotive community is wondering what the fuck you're doing up there. Are you going to stick to your five year plan, are you going to sell to GM, or are you going to have Nissan invest in the company? Chrysler is an iconic American brand with years of history, and we're watching as you bend it over and rape it after the corpse has been gangbanged by Daimler for the last eight years.

Step down and let Jim Press do the hard work before you destroy the brand entirely.

Coldplay, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.

Actually, I'm too lazy for that. Let me say instead that your music is the most emasculated, emotionless tripe since Matchbox 20.

Seriously, what emotion is any one of your songs supposed to evoke? I listen to your music, and it sounds like something someone would write after reading about adrenaline and endorphins in a dictionary. Your songs are the musical equivalent of a puppy the day after its nuts have been cut off - they limp around, confused and without a drop of testosterone.

I guess that's only appropriate, given that your singing sounds like you're a goddamned castrati anyhow. Comparing your voice to nails on a chalkboard is a slander against chalkboards and nails. You sound like someone decided to fuck a cat in the ass with a Wonder Woman action figure.

Coldplay, you know how I know you're gay? Because you ARE Coldplay.

I am through asking for respect. I am through getting disrespected. I am done.

I demand it, and you can't give it, then you aren't worth my time.

Hey, wingnuts! Why is it that all of science is awesome and totally worth teaching and accepting EXCEPT evolution and cosmology? The physics that make your toaster, microwave, and hi-def TV possible are totally killer, and the biology that makes sure little Johnny doesn't have to die of the measles is superbad, but as soon as someone tells you the Book of Genesis is totally full of shit, suddenly OMFG SCIENCE IS TEH ENEMY!!!!!11

Which theory is more elegant, which theory gives us a better idea of where we stand in regard to the Universe, which theory gives us a better chance of understanding the world around us:

"The universe came into being after the breakdown and subsequent hyperinflation of a supermassive singularity. Millions of years later, the first stars formed. Billions of years later came stars with planets around them. On some of those planets, life arose. On one particular planet revolving around a little-regarded yellow dwarf star in the backwater of the galaxy, that life, over billions of years of years, evolved from a primordial sludge into a vast, planetwide ecosystem. Some of the creatures on this little blue planet even eventually developed traits which might almost be regarded as intelligence."

or

"God did it."

You incurious fucks need to keep your goddamned paws off my textbooks and your ideals out of my classrooms. You want to teach about immortal sky wizards, talking snakes, women springing from men's ribs, and the uncomfortable idea of all humankind being descended from intense inbreeding? You want Jesus riding bareback on a tame velociraptor right before the Flood wiped out the dinosaurs? Fine. Teach it on Sunday fucking morning. Leave the rest of the week's education to qualified professionals, you twats.

What do I hate? The spineless no good fucks ruining the democratic party. You maggots are no better than the republicans you denounce.

I hate walking downtown amidst the cattle drive that is all the corporate assholes vacating to their comfortable little hobbit holes in the suburbia. If you don't want me knocking you flat on your ass then use that stubby little sausages you call legs. If you use them more then you might lose a cheeseburger or tow off that flabby ass of yours.

God fucking god, why do you make it so hard for me to get anywheres.

Always,
Craven Morhead

Seriously, if you were any good at the game, you would be sitting at a table in Vegas getting smacked around by someone better than you. NOT in front of your computer tapping away furiously because someone's straight beat your pair of dueces.

Now, please, go put some pants on and get a job.

You know who you are. You're the douchebag in his mother's basement with nothing better to do than sow chaos everywhere you go on the internet.

You think this makes you charming and/or rebellious. You think anarchy is, like, totally punk rawk. You think you're doing the world a favor by spreading bullshit over forums the way others spread jam over toast.

Lean in close, you diseased little shits, and I'll let you in on a secret: you're not the fucking Joker. Not Heath Ledger's version, not Jack Nicholsen's version, not even the fucking Cesar Romero version from the sixties.

And you want to know why?

Because on at least some level, all versions of the Joker are entertaining. They make us laugh, or they make us feel a stab in our adrenal glands, a spike that almost might be fear.

You don't do either of those things, because you're a worthless goddamned teenager in a doughy body bloated with Cheetos and Mountain Dew.

Stop inflicting your fourth-rate Elbonian wannabe humor on the rest of us, you fucking turd. Keep your randomness and chaos to yourself: grab a revolver, put a single bullet in one chamber, and see how much randomness and chaos you can generate all by yourself.

Addendum: your mom doesn't love you, either. She told me so last night.